Hey everyone, I hope this week has been kind to you all. We had a 16 week scan to put our minds at ease, we were particularly keen to have a second opinion regarding our little Pie's head as Passenger's anencephaly wasn't spotted until the second scan. The consultant was over half an hour late and I got myself all worked up an anxious. I ended up feeling so sick and worried about what the consultant would see. Luckily, all went well though, there was no need to worry or get stressed out. The head was fully formed just as it had been on the dating scan and we heard the heartbeat again which was lovely and strong. As my anxiety eased I got cheeky and asked if it was possible to see whether I was carrying a girl or a boy but the consultant dismissed me straight away saying it was too early. Although I had seen on my Instagram other Mamas booking 16 week scans to specifically see the sex we weren't too bothered as the whole purpose of this check up was to make sure the baby's head was how it should be. Afterwards to compared the scan pictures to the dating scan and saw our baby had doubled in size in 4 weeks. We are thrilled! And what is more is that I've been feeling the first flutters and pops of movement increasing throughout this week, sometimes up to 4-5 times a day. It's been so wonderful feeling a baby move for the first time and really represents a huge milestone for me. Now we've had this scan Rob and I both feel more at ease but the consultant did make a comment that me getting stressed or nervous isn't good for me or the baby so I need to work hard to be more positive and less anxious. It's incredibly difficult but these little flutters are reminding me that everything is ok and it's time to enjoy this pregnancy.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I am very close to coming full circle with my stories, I plan to share Rob's experience then I am most likely to follow my current story with our Rainbow pregnancy. I understand this may be triggering to some people but it will be coming from a person who has been in a position similar to your own. Angel Mamas do not have normal pregnancies, they are full of worry, analysing every symptom, ache and pain and I hope they will stick with me during the next part of my journey.
Following my post-op consultation appointment I saw my counsellor and poured my heart out. I was back staring into the abyss of depression once again, however, this time I wouldn't let it take me. Unlike before, I had some consciousness left in me, most of that presented itself as anger. I was so fucking angry. How could I or anyone else be treated in such a way? I was told no testing would be done until I had lost three babies, I had become a statistic, Bean and Passenger had become mere numbers. I relayed my anger to my counsellor and she gave me a few suggestions I could try. First was to contact my GP just to see if they could refer me and Rob for genetic testing. Second was to read a pamphlet from the charity ARC (Antenatal Results and Choices) and contact them to ask what I could do next after being denied testing. Third was to read scientific papers like I had done throughout both of our losses and contact the scientists involved to see if they could give me some advice. I found this session one of the most important and useful, I needed instruction and guidance and that's exactly what my counsellor offered to me. I left the session determined and with a sense of purpose, I have learned that as long as I have a goal to work towards, my psychological health benefits.
The next day I rang my doctors surgery and requested a phone appointment, later that day I received the call. I had been preparing myself for a rejection and had pumped myself up ready to stand my ground! Amazingly I didn't have to, Dr Patel was so lovely on the phone I cried, he suggested chromosomal testing and referred me and Rob to the genetics counselling department in the hospital where I work. I got off the phone and felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, granted it wasn't guaranteed that we would get the testing, it would depend on the genetic counselling appointment but we had managed to jump over one hurdle.
I have covered the results of our genetic testing in a previous post, so that brings me full circle. Next week I'm hoping to bring you Robs point of view of losing Passenger.
Thanks for staying with me Angel Mamas and Papas xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment